Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
