Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
