There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
