Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
