I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
