so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
