did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
