Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
