Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
