Barsexuality is the new black.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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