I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
