He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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