Plan B is the new Plan A
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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