i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
