go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
