her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My cat gives me a boner
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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