Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
