I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you win again, gameday.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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