why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
