This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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