It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
