So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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