Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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