I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
