It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
