Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
