Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
