I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
