lets start a swedish sibling band together
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
