last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
