so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
