I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
