And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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