so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
