Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
