I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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