I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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