I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
