Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
