I got chris browned last night
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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