he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
