god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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