he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
