I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
