apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
