he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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