you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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