she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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