Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
