im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
