I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
