this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
