you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
