Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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